Friday 22 July 2011
Wise Counsels On Relationships: Wise Counsels On Relationships: Can I Get My Spous...
Wise Counsels On Relationships: Wise Counsels On Relationships: Can I Get My Spous...: "Wise Counsels On Relationships: Can I Get My Spouse Back ? : 'We live in a complex world today, a world made more complicated by our materia..."
Friday 8 July 2011
Wise Counsels On Relationships: Can I Get My Spouse Back ?
Wise Counsels On Relationships: Can I Get My Spouse Back ?: "We live in a complex world today, a world made more complicated by our materialistic values and carefree lifestyles that makes us jeopardise..."
Can I Get My Spouse Back ?
We live in a complex world today, a world made more complicated by our materialistic values and carefree lifestyles that makes us jeopardise our welfare, relationships and loved ones.
This thought hit me strongly recently when a lady I know shared her ordeals with me and I want us all to learn from it.
Tola's husband had a job, but in trying to keep up with the Joneses they had incurred a lot of debt and for a long time their life and finances was in shambles and it seemed they were not making any headway. They thought having more money will resolve all their marital squabbles and make them more happy. So they hatched a quick plan for the husband to seek the Almighty dollar in Europe, with the hope that the family will join him after some time.
On getting overseas he faced a lot of challenges and dutifully communicated such to his family with his meager earnings from multiple menial jobs. But over time his attitude gradually changed from loving devotion to laborious duty ; they started nagging and quarreling over every silly thing on the phone frequently. ( If it was'nt who was she with that she did'nt pick her calls in time or that he was hearing a strange voice somewhere in the background today, it was that she and their kids were just wasting money on a lot of frivolities....or they did'nt care how he was struggling to send them money.....or who was she seeing ?....)
Over time the infrequent calls became a shouting match of accusations and counter-accusations.....Every one was hurt and they wanted the other party to know.....So at a point there were so many things they should talk about but could not talk about.....all the short monosyllables just centered on the many bills and the kids and the unending trials each one was facing.....
Tola wanted to tell him how badly they were all missing him.....she especially after four long years of his absence and being sexually harassed by all kinds of men.....She was no longer strong and was finding it had to cope.....What was happening to him over there that had made her husband to change so drastically and when was he coming back to even visit them.....How would he understand that she cried herself to sleep most nights and only tried putting on a face for the kids? She could not even understand him again.
In her frustration she talked to some of his friends and after a long time she got the gist from them that things were not working according to plan at all; and her husband was considering the option of a 'contract marriage' to a citizen so as to hasten the procurement of his papers but he did'nt know how to tell his wife...And they too would not tell her whether he had gone through with his plan or not.....
Tola was devastated....What had happened to all the christianity they both professed and the wedding vows they had made? Even at thirty two she still got a lot of attention from the opposite sex , but she had remained faithful to her husband according to the teachings of thier christian faith ... Was her husband accusing her of sleeping around because he was messing around?....Was his guilt the reason why he was always picking quarrels with her ....Was he planning to divorce her and forget about all them in Nigeria? How could she even tell him what she felt when they were not even talking well......What will she tell their kids who were so proud of their father....She did not even know what to think or who to talk to?
(At this junction I will like to pause and hear your comments on what you think Tola should do.)
This thought hit me strongly recently when a lady I know shared her ordeals with me and I want us all to learn from it.
Tola's husband had a job, but in trying to keep up with the Joneses they had incurred a lot of debt and for a long time their life and finances was in shambles and it seemed they were not making any headway. They thought having more money will resolve all their marital squabbles and make them more happy. So they hatched a quick plan for the husband to seek the Almighty dollar in Europe, with the hope that the family will join him after some time.
On getting overseas he faced a lot of challenges and dutifully communicated such to his family with his meager earnings from multiple menial jobs. But over time his attitude gradually changed from loving devotion to laborious duty ; they started nagging and quarreling over every silly thing on the phone frequently. ( If it was'nt who was she with that she did'nt pick her calls in time or that he was hearing a strange voice somewhere in the background today, it was that she and their kids were just wasting money on a lot of frivolities....or they did'nt care how he was struggling to send them money.....or who was she seeing ?....)
Over time the infrequent calls became a shouting match of accusations and counter-accusations.....Every one was hurt and they wanted the other party to know.....So at a point there were so many things they should talk about but could not talk about.....all the short monosyllables just centered on the many bills and the kids and the unending trials each one was facing.....
Tola wanted to tell him how badly they were all missing him.....she especially after four long years of his absence and being sexually harassed by all kinds of men.....She was no longer strong and was finding it had to cope.....What was happening to him over there that had made her husband to change so drastically and when was he coming back to even visit them.....How would he understand that she cried herself to sleep most nights and only tried putting on a face for the kids? She could not even understand him again.
In her frustration she talked to some of his friends and after a long time she got the gist from them that things were not working according to plan at all; and her husband was considering the option of a 'contract marriage' to a citizen so as to hasten the procurement of his papers but he did'nt know how to tell his wife...And they too would not tell her whether he had gone through with his plan or not.....
Tola was devastated....What had happened to all the christianity they both professed and the wedding vows they had made? Even at thirty two she still got a lot of attention from the opposite sex , but she had remained faithful to her husband according to the teachings of thier christian faith ... Was her husband accusing her of sleeping around because he was messing around?....Was his guilt the reason why he was always picking quarrels with her ....Was he planning to divorce her and forget about all them in Nigeria? How could she even tell him what she felt when they were not even talking well......What will she tell their kids who were so proud of their father....She did not even know what to think or who to talk to?
(At this junction I will like to pause and hear your comments on what you think Tola should do.)
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